Author Topic: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)  (Read 8275 times)

Cornholeo

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Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« on: October 21, 2013, 03:57:12 pm »
« Last Edit: October 21, 2013, 04:09:53 pm by Cornholeo »

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2013, 04:10:27 pm »
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said to her, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now. "

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2013, 04:21:47 pm »
A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

BradNess

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2013, 04:56:26 pm »
I'm an American and I read this post 6 times. And it was funny all 6x :P

reeperman

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2013, 06:01:26 pm »
corn you need to stay out of Atlanta
ReeperMan

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2013, 09:10:58 am »
Ya, and keep your dick out of my grilled cheese

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2013, 02:49:45 pm »
A blonde woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina". The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the sticker's off the bananas".
--
This friend of mine had a disgusted look on her face and she said "Did you know that 2 out of every 3 people live next to a pedophile"? I said "Not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 year olds".
--

--
What is worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2013, 03:02:11 pm »
What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

You can't jelly your cock into a chicks ass.

-----------------
A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'
-----------------
A man boarded a plane with six small children. Once situated a lady leaned across the isle and said, " wow, are they all yours?" The man replied," no, I work for a condom company, these are customer complaints"
----------------

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2013, 03:02:22 pm »
Square Testicles

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money.

She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied,'$165,000'.

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.'

'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before.

Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,

'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada!'

BradNess

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2013, 03:03:12 pm »
--
What is worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

This one had me rolling.

Wolverine

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2013, 08:09:56 am »
Rejected E-Harmony Application

So I guess honesty really isn't the best policy. 


Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2013, 07:24:32 pm »
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2013, 06:54:56 pm »
A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.
A passing hobo stops and says, "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"
The woman said "Hell no...get away from me!"
The bum turned to leave and muttered "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2013, 06:56:35 pm »
A STUDENT ASKED HIS ENGLISH PROFESSOR, "WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A
DILEMMA.

"THE PROFESSOR SAID, "WELL, THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN AN EXAMPLE TO
ILLUSTRATE THAT."

"IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE LAYING IN A BIG BED WITH A BEAUTIFUL NAKED
YOUNG WOMAN ON ONE SIDE AND A GAY MAN ON THE OTHER."

"WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TURN YOUR BACK ON?"

Cornholeo

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Re: Socially unacceptable humor (easily offended stay out)
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2013, 03:09:40 pm »
BULLFROGS & BLOW JOBS

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'
'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.

'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...

No more blow jobs for her!

She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off! ...

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied,

'If I can teach this frog to cook..........you're gone.'